Oh my dear waffle bloggers, I do apologise I had what some may call a rather busy summer. You see MDWB’s unfortunately comedy as a hobby does not pay the bills so that little task of work got in the way.
Well, listen in *moves in quietly as if for a huddle* here is a little about my work…
This summer MDWB’s I searched for a Gruffalo in the woods…and found two! Yes two of them… *gasps* I hear, Noooo that can’t be true! Yes, yes it is. Is there a gruffalo breeding programme you cry! Sadly no. Is there a Mrs Gruffalo?? Alas no. Well then how the bloody hell did the Gruffalo end up with a child!?!
Frankly MDWB’s I was baffled by this question…but I chose the only adult solution to this pondering… *glugg, glugg, glugg* you hear, yes I opened the wine. Once the wine was consumed, I really couldn’t have given a pig’s trotter how many Gruffalo’s there are in the world.
And then of course there was the stalking of the old man with a cocker spaniel and a close encounter with Jesus all before 9am! Oh MDWB’s picture the scene…
You are in a rural area, the sat nav thinks everything is an ‘unnamed road’ the address you have does not have a number…but we are looking for a key hanging out of a door. I drive very very slowly down this country lane until an old man comes along walking his cock…apologies cocker spaniel. Suddenly you feel as if this is turning into a very surreal drive-by minus the violence. Politely we ask the gentleman if he can help, he kindly walks his dog back down the road to show us the right place. We wish him good day and hope he enjoys walking his cock.
Then my dear waffle bloggers,one of my car companions goes to get out the car to go and get the key. Simple task you may think…*dramatic pause* (Imagine Chariots of Fire playing in the background) out of the car in slow motion falls my car companion…straight onto a grass verge. A pure British comedic motion in 3d HD! Casually, without looking too scathed, toddles off to get the key. In the words of my sat nav…’Mission accomplished’ or so we think.
Next stop, the village shop to buy milk and biscuits for tea. MDWB’s it was like that scene from ‘The League of Gentlemen’ when someone enters the shop for the first time – sheer horror of strangers in the village. Plus I think they milked the fecking cow the price of a pint of milk! We quickly exited the shop…Right onwards to the correct destination.
No. Well, here’s where it went wrong…you see not have a left arm at all I’m not terribly good with my lefts and rights. I often find myself taking the wrong turn and going on a little adventure that’s slightly out of my way. That day was no exception MDWB’s. Except this time we (me and the car companions) ended up at a convent. Now this would have been fine if I hadn’t had a flashback of being there once before. I can’t possibly tell you what went through my mind from before MDWB’S but there are a few readers of this blog that will read this and have a chuckle. (I can be bribed with celebrations and wine to tell all).
Now, I’m not religious MDWB’S but I do respect others right to their faith and beliefs. But there is still something unnerving when turning the car around in what you think is a car park and there is a statue of Jesus staring right back at you! At least unlike last time Meatloaf’s Heaven can wait didn’t come on the radio!
Finally, 9:00am we arrive in fits of giggles where we were suppose to be… Set up, try (without laughing) to explain to others why we were all laughing so much. And…*deep breath* recompose and back to work.
Wafflings will resume accordingly…
Until next time…if anyone wants me, I’ll be in the living room wine tasting 😉