I’ve been missing from my website for two years…but I make no apologies for this. There have been a lot of changes and tragedy in the world in general. In 2016 we lost countless celebrities and in 2017 with all the scandals that have been happening in Hollywood I bet there’s a few that wish they were lost. The U.K. government is negotiating Brexit, the United States has its first orange president and Christmas seems to have started in August.
My world fell apart in 2016…within six weeksI lost those I held most dear to me my mum & dad. I may remember the start of 2016 but I lost most of it in a fog of anxiety & grief. I didn’t have anything to laugh at, I had nothing to get up for let alone laugh. Suddenly I was on my own having to organise two funerals for those that gave me life. I had to learn very quickly what to do and how to organise wills, estates, numerous bank accounts, the house…everything. I still don’t know how I did it as its buried in fog.
Oh how life has changed… I’ve learnt who my real friends are and the ones I can count on or call at 3am. Those who have literally seen me at my lowest, sat on the floor with me when I physically couldn’t get up or stop crying. I’ve learnt it doesn’t matter how long you’ve known people or how long it is since you’ve seen them, it’s whose there when you need them the most, those who walk in when others walk out. I’ve learnt it’s okay not to be okay.
I’ve taken up mindfulness and learnt it’s okay to cry when you need too. I’ve changed, life has changed and I no longer see things as I once did. Grief will do that to you, it will consume you in waves. I’ve changed my lifestyle, diet and way I take on every day. It’s just over a year since my world was turned upside down and it’s tough again at the moment, physically making changes to the house that was your childhood home. That makes me feel like I’ve boxed up two lifetimes and all I have left is photographs and memories. Do not ever take that for granted, because it can change in a day.
As hard as it is and with help from some absolutely amazing friends I am starting to learn to laugh again. I will slowly but surely get back into the comedy scene, except this time with a lot more grey hairs to cover I will be the mindful armless comic. Bare with friends…bare with. See you in 2018…
My dear waffle bloggers, a very happy new year to you all. Yes, I know it is virtually February which technically means I’m about 19 days early in wishing you a very happy Chinese New Year.
It has taken me a while this month to find happy, funny things to blog about. It is hard to find humour in such tragedies like Charlie Hebdo, only fifteen days into this year. The Je suis Charlie campaign of freedom of speech around the globe, if nothing else restored my faith in humanity.
The worrying thing I think for January is for the Peppa Pig creators. Should we not use pigs as characters in children’s stories etc in fear of offending Jewish & Muslim people? Frankly I think poor old Porky pig would have something to say about this. Porky pig has been around for 50+years, then there was babe and now Peppa. Other than the fact I think they would make a cracking bacon butter MDWB’s, I think the world has gone mad.
We worry too much about approval and forget about fun. Politically correct cartoons, well I’m sorry but has anybody watched futurama lately. I’d be worried if I saw a talking octopus coming towards me.
So MDWB’s I am hoping that February onwards brings love, laughter and fun . It’s so much easier to write about!
Until next time, I am still working my way through only fools & horses.
My dear waffle bloggers, its been just another year on planet Earth…
Stories such as Robin Wiliams’ tragic suicide, the miraculous Rosetta landing and, naturally, the revealing of the new Star Wars trailer will all be fresh in your memory. Some events, however, will have slipped to the back of your mind, possibly to be rehashed at a pub quiz in 2030 or something.
I’m going to take a little look at the one’s that may not have moved the world; shocked and scarred us like the ISIS be-headings, or saddened us like Peaches Geldof’s death. we all need a break from the mundane and misery sometimes.
Seth Rogen and James Franco almost started a war with North Korea.
2014 is definitely a year for the history books, as the massively scrutinised movie “The Interview” was declared an “act of war”. Why? The Sony Pictures movie is about two journalists recruited by the CIA to assassinate North Korean dictator Kim Jong-un.
Needless to say, the supreme leader does not find the movie amusing at all, and his spokesperson publicly criticised the movie, which features the line:
“Kim Jong-un’s people believe anything he tells them. Including that he can speak to dolphins or he doesn’t urinate and defecate.”
Of course, the repercussions of this could have been deadly serious, but that doesn’t take away the hilarity of the fact Rogen and Franco totally pissed off Kim Jong Un.
This absolute gem was captured at the beginning of 2014 in Coventry, showing a highly vigilant walker doing exactly as she was told. Wonder if she sticks her arm to the side to indicate when she’s about to turn a corner, too?
My dear waffle bloggers we also had this year ‘the defense of the dinosaurs’. Stephen Spielberg sitting next to a triceratops caused a public outcry on Facebook! Oh my dear waffle bloggers
How could he kill that Triceratops? Despite the creatures being dead for 66 million years now, a worrying amount of gullible Facebook users were caught up in a flurry of outrage this summer, when a photo of Steven Spielberg posing on the set of Jurassic Park in 1993 was uploaded with this joke caption.
“Steven Spielberg, I’m disappointed in you. I’m not watching any of your movies again ANIMAL KILLER,’ she ended her impassioned rant”
“Disgraceful. No wonder dinosaurs became extinct. Sickos like this kill every last one of them as soon as they are discovered. He should be in prison.”
“I don’t care who he is, he should not have shot that animal”
As long as the unicorns are still safe, ey?
There has been a lot of sadness and destruction in the world this year my dear waffle bloggers, that it is just too disrespectful to laugh about. So I won’t, all I’ll say is I hope 2015 is a more peaceful year across the globe.
And then there was England’s attempt to play football in the World Cup in Brazil (the less said about that the better me thinks).
To end the year some twat at the Independent names Nigel Farage as ‘Briton of the Year’. MDWB’s there are no more words on that I can say.
The Easter eggs have already hit the shelves in the supermarkets (27/12/2014) and now we wait for the battle of the politicians to step up. Toys to be thrown out of the pram, hyped up news stories, utter bollocks none of us non Eton & Oxford educated folks understand being banded about, all for a little X in a box on May 7th.
So, until 2015 my dear waffle bloggers I bid you goodnight as I have 33years of Only fools & horses to watch before going back to work. My resolution for 2015
laugh a little louder, smile a little bigger, love a little deeper, and walk through life a little slower
That my dear friends was the year that was 2014. Thank you for reading and I’ll be blogging my way through next year!
Friday 28th November. England.
Oh my dear waffle bloggers what is going on in England. Blame it if you will on the three A’s, Amazon, Apple & Asda, cooperations that thrive in the Good old US of A. Popping over to our shores and creating further madness for us.
If you are wondering why Debbie in Marketing is looking more perky than normal for a Friday, no it’s not because of a extra shot in her coffee. It’s because she’s just got 40% off a mulberry bag. Brian in accounts is not jumping up and down because he’s finally found the money that was AWOL in the internal systems. No it’s because he’s just scored a 40-inch plasma TV at half the price.
Brace yourself MDWB’s it’s here and looks like it’s here to stay. But getting in a barney over a cut-price blender isn’t very British is it? Oh my dear waffle bloggers I can see it now…
“Steve, father, son, brother… Died in vain for a Kenwood toaster.
If your other half owns a pair of health & safety boots, nick them. Steel toe caps are an excellent way of taking out a rival shopper. Buy a magazine, roll it up and use it as a sword, imagine Russell Crowe the muscle years *take a moment ladies and visualise this* then smack away! The posh sorts are scared of boobs & straight talking… Ladies we have the advantage here!
Play space invaders. Stand uncomfortably close to the person in front of you, breath softly on their neck. Tap their leg with your bags, 10 points if you can make them move!!
That my dear waffle bloggers is a quick tip for Black Friday as its descended on Britain.
Why the hell does Kim Kardashian’s arse look like a glazed doughnut!?!
What is that woman thinking! For years us women have been told loose weight, look great – not have an arse the size of mount Everest!
And now MDWB’s what do you buy the man who has everything for his birthday… clearly the answer is an arse in silicone!
This wasn’t any old arse. Oh no – we’re talking a silicon sculpture of Kim’s own bottom that she apparently had made to show her husband just how she feels about him.
The replica was her idea for a gift, she thinks it’s artistic and knew Kanye would love it.
“It means he’ll always have a piece of her, albeit her bum, if Kim’s away working.”
Yeah and it also means that if Kanye ever gets shipwrecked at sea, he’ll have a handy flotation device to act as a life raft until help arrives. Plus if he ever decides he wants bum implants, he’ll have a pair all ready to go in.
Dear 2014…what have you inflicted upon the world?
A very disturbed by this culture of arse molding citizen