Tag Archives: Hen night humour

The Year that was 2014

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The Year that was 2014

My dear waffle bloggers, its been just another year on planet Earth…

 

Stories such as Robin Wiliams’ tragic suicide, the miraculous Rosetta landing and, naturally, the revealing of the new Star Wars trailer will all be fresh in your memory. Some events, however, will have slipped to the back of your mind, possibly to be rehashed at a pub quiz in 2030 or something.

I’m going to take a little look at the one’s that may not have moved the world; shocked and scarred us like the ISIS be-headings, or saddened us like Peaches Geldof’s death. we all need a break from the mundane and misery sometimes.

Courtney Love was convinced she had found the missing MH370 plane and cleverly displayed this on twitter Bi6mCbxCIAAbJo7(see right). Oh bless her MDWB’s there’s not much more you can say to that is there…

Seth Rogen and James Franco almost started a war with North Korea.

2014 is definitely a year for the history books, as the massively scrutinised movie “The Interview” was declared an “act of war”. Why? The Sony Pictures movie is about two journalists recruited by the CIA to assassinate North Korean dictator Kim Jong-un.

Needless to say, the supreme leader does not find the movie amusing at all, and his spokesperson publicly criticised the movie, which features the line:

“Kim Jong-un’s people believe anything he tells them. Including that he can speak to dolphins or he doesn’t urinate and defecate.”

Of course, the repercussions of this could have been deadly serious, but that doesn’t take away the hilarity of the fact Rogen and Franco totally pissed off Kim Jong Un.

And then of course MDWB’s there was the over cautious pedrestrian in Coventry .BeG-ZbRIIAAckEb

This absolute gem was captured at the beginning of 2014 in Coventry, showing a highly vigilant walker doing exactly as she was told. Wonder if she sticks her arm to the side to indicate when she’s about to turn a corner, too?

 

Then of course we find out why Peter really shops at Iceland B01WJvmCIAAtpid– Brands and companies, take note this is why typography is desperately important. Unless that’s the real reason Peter goes to Iceland?

 

My dear waffle bloggers we also had this year ‘the defense of the dinosaurs’. Stephen Spielberg sitting next to a triceratops caused a public outcry on Facebook! Oh my dear waffle bloggers

How could he kill that Triceratops? Despite the creatures being dead for 66 million years now, a worrying amount of gullible Facebook users were caught up in a flurry of outrage this summer, when a photo of Steven Spielberg posing on the set of Jurassic Park in 1993 was uploaded with this joke caption.

The public’s outraged comments included a few genuine gems:10456025_794495280595121_4652045239948459965_n

“Steven Spielberg, I’m disappointed in you. I’m not watching any of your movies again ANIMAL KILLER,’ she ended her impassioned rant”

“Disgraceful. No wonder dinosaurs became extinct. Sickos like this kill every last one of them as soon as they are discovered. He should be in prison.”

“I don’t care who he is, he should not have shot that animal”

As long as the unicorns are still safe, ey?

There has been a lot of sadness and destruction in the world this year my dear waffle bloggers, that it is just too disrespectful to laugh about. So I won’t, all I’ll say is I hope 2015 is a more peaceful year across the globe.

And then there was England’s attempt to play football in the World Cup in Brazil (the less said about that the better me thinks).

To end the year some twat at the Independent names Nigel Farage as ‘Briton of the Year’. MDWB’s there are no more words on that I can say.

The Easter eggs have already hit the shelves in the supermarkets (27/12/2014) and now we wait for the battle of the politicians to step up. Toys to be thrown out of the pram, hyped up news stories, utter bollocks none of us non Eton & Oxford educated folks understand being banded about, all for a little X in a box on May 7th.

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So, until 2015 my dear waffle bloggers I bid you goodnight as I have 33years of Only fools & horses to watch before going back to work.  My resolution for 2015

 laugh a little louder, smile a little bigger, love a little deeper, and walk through life a little slower

 

That my dear friends was the year that was 2014. Thank you for reading and I’ll be blogging my way through next year!

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Kim Kardashian’s arse is trending on social media. Can we have that Apocalypse now?

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Kim Kardashian’s arse is trending on social media. Can we have that Apocalypse now?

Why the hell does Kim Kardashian’s arse look like a glazed doughnut!?!

Oh my dear waffle bloggers how can we escape the eclipse that is Kim Kardashian’s arse! I mean seriously it puts you off buying a doughnut for a sneaky lunchtime treat! doughnut

What is that woman thinking! For years us women have been told loose weight, look great – not have an arse the size of mount Everest!

And now MDWB’s what do you buy the man who has everything for his birthday… clearly the answer is an arse in silicone!

This wasn’t any old arse. Oh no – we’re talking a silicon sculpture of Kim’s own bottom that she apparently had made to show her husband just how she feels about him.

 I’m not sure if this is a subliminal message to tell him he’s an arse or just because he’s a big fan of her buttocks, but either way the ‘artistic sculpture’ apparently cost £13,000 to buy.

Bargain.

The replica was her idea for a gift, she thinks it’s artistic and knew Kanye would love it.

“It means he’ll always have a piece of her, albeit her bum, if Kim’s away working.”

Yeah and it also means that if Kanye ever gets shipwrecked at sea, he’ll have a handy flotation device to act as a life raft until help arrives. Plus if he ever decides he wants bum implants, he’ll have a pair all ready to go in.

Dear 2014…what have you inflicted upon the world?

Sincerely,

A very disturbed by this culture of arse molding citizen

If you think your day is going badly just remember that somewhere in the world a man with a lisp is trying to order the “Sweet & Sour Soup”

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If you think your day is going badly just remember that somewhere in the world a man with a lisp is trying to order the “Sweet & Sour Soup”

My dear waffle bloggers…we all have bad days don’t we? Some of those days turn into days, weeks, months or even years in some poor bugger’s case!

I’ve had a few recently MDWB’s but I always think “If you think your day is going badly just remember that somewhere in the world a man with a lisp is trying to order the Sweet & Sour Soup”.

That always makes me chuckle, I mean can you imagine Jonathan Ross trying to order sweet & sour soup in a Chinese restaurant somewhere in Soho. If you are having a bad day MDWB’s picture that and have a chuckle to lighten your day for a few minutes.

Now I tell you what did make me chuckle recently MDWB’s…

Let’s cross over the continent in to Europe, Spain to be precise. Here we have sun, sand, sex and sangria. A place you might think now there’s a lovely place for a hen night.I’ll set the scene for you…

Ridiculous amounts of alcohol flowing, the bridesmaids have organised you a stripper. *rubs hands with delight* You are blindfolded hoping that he’s not a complete minger! Music starts and the panic of please don’t be Danny DeVito as the 50yr old stripper in that episode of FRIENDS where he cries A LOT! But what do you get instead… A DWARF!

Now I know that dwarfism itself is not funny. But is funny that your so called ‘friends’ have hired you one! Personally MDWB’s I’d be wetting myself laughing to see the reaction of ‘your friend…the bride’s’ face! Let’s just hope it makes her happy, not grumpy *laughs out loud*.

Right back to Spain… well the story get more interesting MDWB’s in this case he did indeed make her very happy but her new husband very grumpy. As the drunkenness of the occasion(hen night) lead to her getting carried away a little…well I think I’d be wondering ‘is it in yet’, clearly far too much sangria blurred her vision, made her a bit dopey and not at all bashful. As the bride to be fell pregnant…by her new husband you may think….but No! The dwarf stripper!!

She did not admit to her closest friends that she’d drunkenly shagged a dwarf…well let’s be honest why would you! Last weekend of freedom, pissed as a fart and drunkenly fucked a dwarf. A secret you think *well actually maybe you should let that one lie and get buried in the back of the closet*. One little problem, the husband thought all the way through the preganancy *as you would* it’s mine. She’d tried to forget the ‘I shagged a dwarf when I was pissed moment’.

*Awkward moment coming here*…

“But the protagonist of this episode had no choice but to confess and could never have pretended the boy was her husband’s because of a little problem – the child was born with dwarfism.”

It is not unusual for dwarfs to be hired as entertainers at hen and stag parties and several websites offer the services of “miniboys” as they are known in Spain.

She got a mini boy alright… and probably a divorce.

So when you are next having a bad day MDWB’s just pause for a moment and think either of Jonathan Ross ordering sweet & sour soup in Soho or why you should shag a dwarf stripper on your hen night.

Until next time my friends…happy